Elmer meets the BAUSorta
by Alfred Juumonji
Summary: It's that scene in the anime where Elmer visits Huey in prison, but now it's 2005 and the BAU are watching in the observation room, along with a little extra. No pairings, and I accept flames, as long as they're reviews. So, please read and review.


Just a Baccano! fic that I decided to write. In this, it is the scene where Elmer visits Huey in prison, plus a little extra. Except, now it is 2006, and Huey is not in a prison cell, he is in an interrogation room, with the BAU team watching. Oh, It is with everyone watching, not just one or two, and Rossi and Prentiss are here instead of Elle and Gideon. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Baccano! Or Criminal Minds. There. I said it.

Narrator's P.O.V.

Hotch walked through the police station with the man who had identified himself as Elmer trailing behind him. He entered the observation room to find everyone waiting.

"Hotch!" Reid said as the door opened. "We were just waiting for you before we start the interro- who is that?"

Elmer smiled at the group from behind Hotch.

"Everyone, this is Elmer Albatross. He says that he needs to talk to the Unsub before we take over." Hotch moved to the side to let Elmer step forward, and gave him a curt nod to begin.

"Hi there everyone." Elmer greeted in a cheery voice. "I just need to speak to Huey for a minute if you don't mind. I'll let ya watch through this fancy glass here, and if I say or do anything wrong or suspicious you can drag me out as soon as you want! How about it?"

Elmer watched the groups reactions.

Hotch gave him a calculating look.

Rossi looked a little sceptical.

Morgan was giving him a look of disbelief.

Reid looked like he was thinking of a million things at once.

Prentiss was eyeing him apprehensively.

J.J. was surveying her team mates.

Garcia was looking a little confused.

Finally, Rossi let out his breath and said, "I suppose it's all right, but it's Hotch's decision in the end."

They all looked to Hotch, who didn't respond immediately.

"Fine. Go on in."

Elmer grinned widely, and did just that. Then, the seven team mates pulled up some chairs, and sat down to watch the meeting.

Elmer entered the interrogation room, and Huey looked up in surprise.

"Hi!" Elmer exclaimed as he pulled up a chair to face Huey. (Note: The table is in the middle of the room, with Huey and Elmer facing each other, but the team can see both of them, well, both their profiles at least.

"Elmer… what trick did you pull to get in here?" Huey asked uninterestedly.

"Well," Rossi commented. "At least we know that they know each other."

"Hm? Oh, simple really." Elmer replied sitting down. "Smiles and smiles! I just had to make that crabby bunch smile, eh!"

Huey surveyed Elmer for a minute before saying, "To think you would resort to such methods." Elmer grinned at him for a minute, before confusion showed on his face.

"No, no, no, Huey! I just asked those BAU guys nicely! It was those other guys I had to bribe to let me see them!"

"Garcia, when this is done, check that." Hotch quipped.

"… Yes sir…"

"The more you change, the more you're still the same." Huey sighed.

"And you as well right?" Elmer cut in.

"So…" Huey drawled. "What do you want?"

Elmer grinned again. "Oh, only a smile. Well, precisely, I came to see your smile."

"What on earth for?"

"Cause I wanna see it, that's all." Elmer leaned forward a little.

"Ask me to smile, and I smile all you want, but what good will it do? What does my smile change? …will it bring the world happiness… will it cheer it up?" Huey said darkly.

"This guys a bit of a downer." Morgan commented.

"Agreed hot stuff." Garcia replied. "Agreed."

"It sure will. My world at the very least." Huey glanced at Elmer and saw him making a funny face while chuckling. "Go one, give us a smile, Huey!"

Huey laughed and looked away.

"There! That's the face I wanted to see old chap!"

"You astound me. Imagine you coming here just for that."

Hotch leaned forward in his chair. Now they were getting somewhere.

"Oh, you know me. I'll do anything for a smile!" Elmer laughed as he leaned back in his chair.

"…There's someone I'd like you to meet." Huey said quietly. "My daughter."

"Oh yeah?"

"Will you be able to make her smile? Will you still be able to smile after you've met her?" The grin on Elmers face slipped a little. "I am very curious to know that… Elmer. I wonder what you would have said if you had seen her. Chane… my little experiment."

Garcia looked miffed before mumbling, "That is one seriously messed up fruit loop."

"Of course sometimes, experiments have a way of going… unexpectedly." Huey paused, a strange look on his face. "What loyalty she has. You must tell no one, and having received that order, my daughter… she chose to give up her voice for the rest of her life."

"They can do that?" Prentiss asked.

"Apparently."

"Listen Elmer." He did. "Smile junky, Mr happy ending." ("Hey!") "Tell me, what happy life can be given to a poor guinea pig? I'm as eager to learn the answer as you are. Such is my duty as a scientist."

Elmer frowned and leaned back some more.

"That's exactly what I've come to talk to you about, Huey. Chane." Elmer said, now grinning again. "She's getting married next month."

Huey started and looked at Elmer in evident surprise. "To whom…?"

Elmer smiled and reached over to pat Huey on the shoulder. "I can't remember what he calls himself now, but he did refer to himself as the Rail Tracer once."

"My god Elmer. Get on with it."

"Whenever he's on business, he calls himself Vino." Everyone in the observation room jumped at this declaration and so did Huey. "And when he met Chane, I think he went by Claire Stanfield."

Just then the door opened and two officers came in. They grabbed Elmer and hauled him off to the next room, leaving a very shell shocked Huey behind.

Elmer was brought to the next interrogation room where Hotch and Rossi were waiting for him. Elmer sat down still grinning.

"What do you know about Vino?" Hotch immediately asked.

"Well, other than the fact that he's marrying Chane LaForet and he's a well known assassin, not a whole lot." Elmer shrugged. "But don't think you can lock me in prison or execute me for not cooperating."

"Oh?" Rossi asked. "And why is that?"

"Well… Cause I don't age and can never die."

Rossi and Hotch looked at him like he was insane. So, Elmer reached into his jacket, brought out a gun, and shot himself in the head before they could do anything. They both stared at the body for a minute, before moving to call an officer.

Rossi stopped midstep and tapped Hotch on the shoulder, pointing at the body, which had begun to suck the blood back in. It then stood up and smiled at them.

"So. Believe me now?"

So? How was it?

This is my second only fanfic, so don't bully me too much if it seems like it would never happen. I was watching Narnia before this… wait, how does that relate to this? Ah… never mind. Please review.


End file.
